I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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