she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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