well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
