So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
