he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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