you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
