I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
