Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
