I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
