i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
