If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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