god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
