in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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