That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
