I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed