3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.