I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?