She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
