there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
