First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
