He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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