this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
