I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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