was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
