I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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