After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
