yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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