she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
