atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
