I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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