I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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