I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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