so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
