I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
