It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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