another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
