He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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