I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
