I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
