Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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