Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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