so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize