i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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