you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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