quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
