and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
