Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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