that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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