their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
