i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
