Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry about my life...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
