I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
