my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
