She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
