Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
