a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
