where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
