Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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