I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
