no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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