I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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