You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
