just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
