a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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