I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
