The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
