I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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