I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
