I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
