I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
