Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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