You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
