dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.