I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.