i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
