Texts From Last Night

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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me

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  (620): Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me http://tfl.nu/fd2j
  Replies (18) Good night (870) Bad night (2778)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?

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  (804): is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair? http://tfl.nu/58ri
  Replies (14) Good night (904) Bad night (2758)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...

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  (313): is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad... http://tfl.nu/md38
  Replies (26) Good night (695) Bad night (4376)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park

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  (610): my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park http://tfl.nu/hm3c
  Replies (23) Good night (1345) Bad night (5433)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am

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  (719): Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am http://tfl.nu/os55
  Replies (5) Good night (1073) Bad night (1855)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.

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  (907): She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone. http://tfl.nu/lil1
  Replies (7) Good night (3781) Bad night (915)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

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  (780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot
  Replies (9) Good night (4878) Bad night (1099)
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  (760): View more from California

  can you blow me for old times sake

  (951): View more from California

  only for old times sake

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  (760): can you blow me for old times sake (951): only for old times sake http://tfl.nu/ab6d
  Replies (9) Good night (3968) Bad night (892)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.

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  (401): My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar. http://tfl.nu/tapz
  Replies (4) Good night (693) Bad night (2244)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.

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  (501): Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick. http://tfl.nu/s37k
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (572)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

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  (616): 2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll. (616): 2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll. http://tfl.nu/3aiz
  Replies (6) Good night (1204) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!

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  (908): When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?! http://tfl.nu/arig
  Replies (3) Good night (1510) Bad night (406)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  YES. ALL MY YES.

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  (513): I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries. (1-513): YES. ALL MY YES. http://tfl.nu/gvep
  Replies (0) Good night (749) Bad night (319)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.

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  (512): I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like. http://tfl.nu/i3mi
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.

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  (989): Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn. http://tfl.nu/8fgh
  Replies (5) Good night (672) Bad night (233)

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