cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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