you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
