mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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