once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
