there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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