i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
