i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
